7? (o 35 



PRICE 25 CENTS. 

NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. 

No. 11. 



When Ann Acted 



By George M. Rosener. 




ADOLPH E. REIM, 

Publisher, 
MltWAUKEE, - WISCONSWi 



THP96-007i01 



©CID 229^8 



No^ll. 

When Ann Acted 

By 

George M. Rosener. 

A COMEDY, DRAMATIC, VAUDEVILLE PLAYETTE IX TWO 
SCENES. 

Entered according to act of Co7igress in the year 1910, hy Adolph 
E. Reim, in the office of the Librarian of Congress at Washing- 
ton, D. C. 

NOTICE. 

The Acting Rights of this sketch are reserved. This applies to 
amateurs as well as professionals. Letters should be addressed to 
the sole owner Adolph E. Reim, at 306 Foster Bldg., Milwaukee, 
Wis. 

"Any person publicly performing or representing any dramatic 
or musical composition, for which a copyright has been obtained, 
without the consent of the proprietor of said dramatic or musical 
composition, or his heirs or assigns, shall be liable for damages 
therefor; such damages in all cases to be assessed at such sum, not 
less than $100.00, for the first and $50.00, for every subsequent 
performance, as to the court shall appear to be just. If the unlaw- 
ful performance and representation be wilful and for profit, such 
person or persons shall be guilty of a misdemeanor, and upon con- 
viction be imprisoned for a period not exceeding one year." 

U. S. REVISED STATUTES, TITLE 60, CHAPTER 3, SECTION 
4966. 

Adolph K Reim, 

PUBLISHER, 

Milwaukee, - Wis. 



CHARACTERS. ,^\ 



Ann -^ Straiulcd Souhrctte. 

Thad. Hipple i Ruhc. 



SCENES. 



Open In One, Close In Full Stinje. 
Scene 1. — A Country Road. 
Scene 2. — The Kitchen in Hippie's Home. 



DESCRIPTION OF SETS. 

(For the country road a landscape or tcood drop can he used). 

(The kitchen is set in three doors, R. & L. and R. I. F. OM 
prints and pictures are hanging on the tcalls. Rag carpet on the 
floor and old fashion furniture is set about in various positions. The 
essential furniture is a rocking chair doicn R., tahlc and chairs 
L. A Mhle on the table and a picture of a ivonian in the hihle. A 
small table and a lighted lamp up C). 

(At rise of curtain on front scene, red lights air on). 

(Lights are full up, on second scene). 



WHEN ANN ACTED 



(At rise of curta'bn Ann enters R. carrying two hattered suit 
cuscs. *s7/e comes on very slow and sits on one of the hags). 

Ann — Gee, but this is tough; down and out in a. punk town. Ah, 
what's show business coming to anyway? If I could get a real job 
washing dishes, I'd take it so quick they would think I was loose in 
nie loft. If that conductor was a good feller he would have let me 
ride until I got to a city, instead of that he drops me off at this 
frog puddle. I wonder if there is a nickel picture house in the 
town. I might get a job there for a few days, and I am some 
hungry too, my stomach is beginning to wonder if my throat has 
been cut. (Looks off L.). Hello, here comes a yap, maybe I can 
tell him some watery tale and make a touch. 

Thad. — (Enters L. carrying a hoquet of fioicers). Howdy Miss? 

Ann — Hello sport! How far is the town from here? 

Thad. — Three miles. 

Ann — Which way? 

Thad.—V^^al I'll tell yer. (Points off L.). Take the first cross 
road that leads to the left, cross the bridge when yer get to Jasper's 
farm, take the short cut through the woods and at the first mile 
post go over the second hill, as you pass the third wind mill, when 
you see a house with green shutters go on east along the west side 
of the creek, keep on goin' 'till yer come to a covered bridge, 
wait there until somebody passes and then ask them where the 
town is and they will tell yer. 

Ann — How long did it take you to learn that? 

Thad.—EAi-i 

Ann — When they built this tov/n, why did they try to hide it? 

Thad.—'i>'i\.y. you're kinder slaterin' aint yer? 

Ann — I don't know what that means, but if you ask me whether 
I am taking the down and out cure for being over wise, I will 
answer you in the language of the poet and softly murmur : She do. 



4 WHEN ANN ACTED. 

Thad. — Young woman, I don't see any need fer you ter go 
cussin' me out this way. I never done nothin' ter you. 

Ann — Now don't get sore. 

Thad. — I don't calculate to, though I do have the rheumatics 
sometimes all powerful bad. 

Ann — That's tough! Ever try Mt. Clemmens? 

Thad. — No, I like Doan's Kidney Pills the best. 

Ann — {Aside). Gee, and this is America too! 

Thad. — Say, yer a stranger about here, aint yer? 

Ann — As strange as a full blown rose in a snow bank. 

Thad. — Are you a book agent? 

Ann — AVorse than that! 

Thad. — Perhaps yer a pill peddler? 

Ann — Come again ! 

Thad. — Sellin' eye glasses maybe? 

Ann — No, I am a trooper. 

Thad. — In what regiment? 

Ann — You don't get me yet. I am an actorine. 

Thad. — You'll have ter talk English Miss, I aint no Italian. 

Ann — I am one of the merry, merry, I vras out with a brood of 
Broadway broilers and squabs, and we went to pieces. 

Thad. — All smashed, eh? 

Ann — Stranded high and dry. 

Thad. — So you was in the broiler and squab business, eh? 

Ann — Yep ! 

Thad. — How did yer raise them, with a settin' hen or an incu- 
bator? 

Ann — Say, I aint talking about a chicken farm. 

T/mcL— No? 

Ann — No! I'm talking about show business. 

Thad. — Oh, you're a show actor? 

Ann — Now you have said something. 

Thad. — So I supposed. 

Ann — In me you see the prima dona of the Broadway Broilers, 
defunct, deceased, extinct and planted. 

Thad. — What are yer doin' here? 

Ann — God knows ! 

Thad. — Do you know where you are going ter stop? (She shakes 
her head in the negative). Up at the Commercial House they take 
show folks in fer a dollar a day. 

Ann — A dollar a day ! Pal ; if they was sellin' hotels at fifty 



WHEN ANN ACTED. 5 

cents a piece, I coiildii 't buy the sunshine on the roof ! 

Iliad. — You aint got no money, eh? 

Ann — Money? Gee! Say, you won't believe it, but one time 
I owned a two dollar bill. 

Tliad. — Aint married, be yer? 

Ann — I was once, but it didn't take. 

Thud. — What wus the trouble? 

Ann — Supportin' him was hard enough, but when it came to hand- 
ing out loose change to keep his particular lady friend well stocked 
with silk open work stockings, when yours truly wore the two for 
a quarter brand; well, I couldn't just see it that way, so I hocked 
my soul to the lawyers and got a receipt in w^hicii was stated that 
I was now free, and that my better half could go up and down the 
Great White way juggling the high sign. 

37* ad.— Mother livin'? 

Ann — Died when I was a creepin' kid. 

Tlimad. — Was she a shov,- actor too? 

Ann — That's what they tell me. 

T/io-fZ— Where's yer dad? 

Ann — Never knew I had one. 

Tliad. — That's funny, I allers thought that girls usually have a 
father. 

Ann — Yes. the lucky ones do. {Produces a box of cigarettes). 
Have a trophy? 

Thad.—A what? 

An)i — A cigarette. 

77/«<7. — No thanks, I'll smoke a pipe. 

Ann — (Lighting the cigarette). Aint got anything on yer hip, 
have yer? 

Thad. — Yes, I've got the darndest scar there yer ever saw! I was 
kicked by a horse. 

Ann — I mean something to drink. 

Thad. — There's a nice spring of cold water down the road a 
piece. 

Jin, I — xo thanks. I washed my face this morning. 

y/jaf/.—Say, don't yer think that young girls is getting wicked 
when they smoke cigarettes and drink liquor? 

j^nn — Gee, I've got to do something to ferget, I've tried every- 
thing else that I know of. 

Thad. — Did yer ever try work? 

.i,,>,_Friend, every time that I loom in sight work gets the 



6 WHEN ANN ACTED, 

blind staggers in botli eyes. 

Tliad. — You know where you will end if yer keep up this gol 
durn picture book life? 

Ann — Now don't start to preach! I like you because you have 
got a few corners to you. You're square. Don't preach or I'll 
get sore. 

Tliad. — Jest as you say, you're the doctor. Great Ceaser's Ghost, 
and Little Fishes of the Hellter Spot! 

Ann — Nix, nix, don't throw^ any fits around here, or I'll 
beat it quick. 

Thacl. — Say, I got an idea! 

Ann — I thought you had the D. T's, or the A. P. A's or something 
like that. 

Tliad. — Look here, I want to help you out. 

Ann — And I need it, believe me ! 

Tliad. — Suppose you and me hire the town hall and give some 
kind of a show. I uster be king bee in all the hum talent shows 
around here. What do yer think of the idea? 

Ami — Great ! Pal, if you was in N. Y. you'd make Belasco look 
like a dirty collar in a bride's Trousseau. 

Tliad. — I'll hire the hall and pay fer hand bills. You sing, don't 
yer? 

Ann — Well I can make a stab at it. 

Tliad. — This is as good a spot as any, suppose you kick her 
up a little? 

(INTRODUCE SPECIALTY). 

Ami — (After specialty). Say do you know we ought ter do 
something in the legit line? 

Tliad. — No, I'm too old fer acrobatics. 

Ann — No, no, you don't understand ! I mean a scene from a real 
play, something dramatic. I never had a chance, except before a 
looking glass, to pull the Leslie Carter stunt, and I hate to let this 
one go by. If we can only wind up with me throwing a Bernhardt 
fit all over the stage, it will make the agony more complete. 

Tliad. — Uncle Tom's Cabin allers takes well in this town. 

Ann — No. that will never do 1 We must hand them something 
with class to it. 

Thad — Do you know how to do that kind of play acting? 

Ann — When you're down and out friend, there aint nothing you 
can't do from committing murder to raising twins. 

Thad. — All right, we'll practice up at my house. You walk down 



WHEN ANN ACTED. T 

the road and I'll catch up with yer. I must take these flowers up 
here a ways. 

Ann — Taking flowers to your best girl, eh? 

Thad. — I allers do once a week, anyway. 

Ann — Where does she live? 

Thad.— (Points R.). Over there on that hill. 

Ann — (Looking off). Why, that's the cemetery! 

Thad. — Yes, that's where she lives. 

Ann — Is it your wife? 

Thad. — Yes, she used ter live in the city, afore we got married. 
Maybe yer heard tell on her? Her name was Sal Prynn. 

Ann — Never ! 

Thad. — Wal, she got tired of me arter we was married a short 
time and I didn't blame her none, yer see she was used ter excite- 
ment and all that and couldn't stand the country like me, who was 
used to it. Of course, I was a fool in the first place ter even think 
that a woman, who was so smart and purty and city educated, 
could ever put up very long with a no account cuss like me ; so one 
night arter I come home from a meetin' of the city council, I finds 
a note- saying that she had left by the night train fer the city. She 
thanked me in the note fer lovin' her and treatin' her so well, 
and said that rather than stay and make me miserable, she was 
going away. It was the citj^ she said, that was call in' her and then 
she wrote a whole lot more, about it being in the blood and about 
her mother doing something like the same thing and her grand- 
mother before her. 

Ann — Then you didn't have any children? 

TJiad. — There was a baby born I heered, three months arter she 
left. 

Ann — Did she ever come back? 

Thad. — No, they brought her back ter me, dead. I never heered 
nothin' about the child, so I reckon it died too, because I heered 
arterwards that Sal almost died of starvation in N. Y. You're the 
first one I ever talked to about this, I never mention it to any one 
in the village, but then I'd sooner trust a stranger, than I would 
my own folks. I take these flowers up there for two reasons, 
first, because no matter what Sal did, she war my wife and I loved 
her, and second, because I like ter show some of them character 
stranglers livin' in the village, that I think as much of Sal as I 
allers did, and them as have other ideas can keep em to themselves 
and be durued. Now that I have cussed a little, I feel better. 



8 WHEN ANN ACTED. 

And irnv yon run aloiiij: down the road and I'll soon catch up with 
yer. (K.vit R.). 

Aim — {LoohiiKj after him). Gee. eyery time I meet np with a 
whole scuUd man like him, all the other geeks I knovr. look like 
pieces of ehetse. (PicJ{s up suit cases and exits L.). 
{PILL OFF TO FULL STAGE). 

(Ann ciitcis D. L F. foVoKecl hy Thad). 

Tliad. — That's a dnrn good idea Miss, now explain it again so that 
I will be sure to understand it. 

Ann — Now we will call this act, The Long Lost Sister. And here 
is how it is to work out : You are my brother and I play the dame, 
what beat it away from the country home with a swell city guy, 
with a fat roll and curled mustache. Xo\y I blow back after some 
years and run up against you. I pick you for a green one. but 
when I get a peek at the family album, I am uext in a minute 
that one picture there is our mother. Just when I am making 
a get away with your sock full of lose change, you try to beat my 
crust in with a coal shoyel, but I scream out, "That is me mother I" 
And you are hep in a minute. Then comes a big noise and slam 
bang, finish I 

Thad. — The way you tell it. sounds all right. I don't jest know 
how it will be when I haye it translated. 

Ann — You know you'll haye to shaye off your whiskers, if you 
are going to play my brother? 

T/h/i?.— Then I don't play. 

Ann-~\\\\y not? 

Thad. — Me and these whiskers has been in the war together, 
and we aint goin' ter do no partin' now. 

Ann — All right, keep them on! Now listen, the stage is set just 
like this room. It is supposed to be my room. Haye you got a 
picture of a lady about? 

Thad. — {Takes a picture from the album ichich he Jays on the 
.table). Here is one, be careful of it won't you? 

Ann — Sure! You see you are supposed to haye left this picture 
Tiere bj^ mistake. Now. when you hear me say, "I will leaye him," 
you rush on and say, ''woman, I know all," then I say, "Oh spare 
me, spare my life." Then you say. "neyer. you haye trifled with 
muh loye and thusly must you die!" You grab a coal shoyel and 
right here is where we pull the big scene. Haye you got me? 

Thad. — {Scratching his head). I think so. 

Ann — All right, no\y beat it. 



WHEN ANN ACTED. 9 

Thad. — Eh? 

Ann— Go off! Go off! 

Thad. — Oh, I am supposed to be loaded and I explode, eh? 

Ann — No, get off the stage! Get out there {Pomts L.). and wait 
for your c-ue ! 

Thad.—Ol\\ {Exit L.). 

Ann — Listen to what I am saying now. Here I go! 

Thad.— {Off stage). All right, let her rip. 

Ann — {Very affected and amateurish). Ah, me, I have done well 
here, after all! This poor country lout, who is in love with me 
is like all the rest of his tribe, a poor dope ! Ah well, I will bleed 
Harry once more, AND THEN 

Thad. — {Puts his head in at the door). Say, I wouldn't say noth- 
in' about Harry, because that's the name of our town constable, 
and his wife might not like it. 

Ann — Please don't give the director any directions. 

Thad. — I aint doin' nuthin' of the kind. I'm jest givin' you a 
little friendly advice that's all. 

Ann — Please go outside and wait for your cue. 

Thad. — Wal, I aint particular. {Withdraics his head). 

Ann — Fifteen years ago when I left this town, I did not think I 
would return and be forgotten. It all comes back to me now, I was 
but twenty-four years of age. a mean child for my years. To re- 
turn and see old faces after these fifteen years is a shock, I did not 
think when I left twelve years ago that I would come back after 
five years and find it all so changed. I can remember it all so 
well, it is just twenty years ago that I left with my financier for 
the big city 

Thad. — {Puts his head in at the door). Excuse me, but aint you 
kinder mixed in your calculations? 

Ann — What do you mean? 

Thad. — Why, your years are all befuddled! 

Ann — That makes no difference, the plot makes no difference, noth- 
ing makes no difference, so long as we get to the big scene. You 
wait for your cue, and don't interrupt a flow of genius again! 

Thad. — Wal, I aint particular. {Withdraws his head). 

Ann — Get ready now ! I will get all the money out of Harry that 

I can and then- {Pause) And then {Pause) And then, and 

then {Pause) And THEN! Hey, that's your cue! 

Thad. — {Puts his head in at the door). What? 

Ann — I said, and then. That's your cue. 



10 WHEN ANN ACTED. 

Thad. — You told me not to interrupt the flow of genius aud I 
aiut agoin' to. 

Ann — Please don't be a dummie. 

Tliad. — I aint got no sech idea, either. 

Ann — Dear me! Will you ever get wise? Please pick up your 
cue when it comes. When you hear me say "and then." come on 
the scene. 

Thad — (WitJidraicing his head). Wal, I aiut particular. 

Ann — I will get all I can out of this fellow and then and 

then— AND THEN— (Stamps her foot and uclh). AND THEN— 

Thad. — {E)iters R. carrying a shot gun). 

Ann — Well, what the 

Thad — Did you see anything of a black cat? 

Ann — Can you beat that? 

Thad. — I'll do worse than that! I'll shoot the cuss if I see it! 

Ann — What's the matter now? (Sighs) Oh, gee! 

TJiad. — Oh gee, if you want to, but that aint killin* the cat, or 
getting back my custard pie! 

Ann — Your what? 

Tit ad. — My sister brought me down a custard pie. and that durn 
cat has gone and licked up the hul durn business! 

Ann — Are we ever going to get to this rehearsal? Say. I need 
the money. Now for the love of Mike, please remember tiiat when 
I say, "and then," you come on and say, "woman I know all." 
then I say, "spare muh, spare muh life," and you say, "never !" 
Then leave the rest to me. 

Thad. — Wal, I aint particular. (E.rit L.). 

Ann — Are you ready? 

Thad.—Yev ! 

Ann — I will get all the money I can and then (Thad. rnslus 

on from the L. to the G. of stage, pulling at his ichiskers and sirai- 
loiring hard). Well, well? 

Thad. — Woman (Sicalloic) Woman (Sivallow) Woman (Siraiioir) 
Woman ( Sic allotc ) . 

Ann — I know all. 

Th a d. — Woman 

Ann — Go on! 

Thad. — There aint nothing I don't know! 

Ann — Oh, spare muh, spare muh life! (Thad siralhnrs hard). 
Never, you say never, for goodness sake, add lib something ! 

Thad. — Spare your spar ribs or something? Never! 



WHEN ANN ACTED. H 

Ami — Ah, the picture! (SJie i)lcks up the picture, looks at it for 
a moment and then her ichole attitude changes and her acting he- 
comes a reality, as she recognizes in the picture her oion mother). 
Where, where did you get this picture? (Thad still thinks they 
are i ehearsing). \Yhere did you get this, why don't you answer 
me? This is my mother, my real mother. Can't you understand? 
I mean it, I mean it ! At last I am home, home, where I longed 
to be, where I prayed to be for these years, and 1 have a father a 
real living father. (Looking at the picture). Mother, j'OU can hear 
me I know you can, I am home mother, thank God for me, because 
I am not worthy, I am home mother, home with him at last! 
(»S7k' drops on her knees iceeping). 

Thad.— (Very much affected). Miss, if you go play actin' like 
this on the stage and I have ter stand there and listen to yer, 
I'll jest blubber up and spill over like a pan of boiling milk. (Ann 
/6' still sobhing). Good Lord, Miss, are you crying in earnest? 

Ann — Y-y-y-es. 

Thud. — Great guns, what have I done? 

Ann — Nothing, nothing, get me a glass of water, please! 

Thad.—^me. I will. (Ejcit L.) 

Ann — (When Thad is off, Ann quickly goes to one of her suit 
cases and takes out a picture, the exact counter part of the one on 
tne tahle. ^he compares the ticoi, still kneeling on the floor, be- 
side the tahle). They are the same, the very same! Mother, my 
own mother! (She kisses the picture. She speaks as if she teas 
talking to her mother). You left him mother, you told him it was 
in the blood, I don't blame you for that, because you have been 
cursed as I am, perhaps that longing for the white lights will run 
out in my life. Pray for me, mother, because I need your 
prayers. If I tell him who I am he will grow to love me as he once 
loved you and loves you still, then, if the longing for the old 
life should claim me again, I would have to leave him and break 
ah honest heart that is almost healed. I'll wait mother hefore I 
tell him, I'll w^ait for your guiding spirit to lead me to 

Thad. — (Enters L.). Here's the water. Miss. 

l„n — (Takes the icater and drinks, at the same time she lags 
the one picture of her mother on the tahle and conceals the other). 
Thank you. 

Thad. — Miss, I can see that you are all tuckered out. (Helps 
her to rise, she breaks doicn icith her head upon his breast, crying). 
There, There! (Takes out a five dollar hill and hands it to her). 



12 WHEN ANN ACTED. 

Now j'ou take this and go up to the hotel and stop there fer 
to-night and get a good rest, then come here in the morning and we 
will go on with our play actin'. 

A7in — (Beticeen the tears). Thank you. 

Thad. — (Leads her to D. I. P.). There, little girl, you get some 
supper and a good night's sleep. Good night! 

Ann — (As she kisses his hand). Good night, thank j'ou and 
God bless you! Good night! (Exit D, I. F.). 

Thad — (Takes the lamp from table and puts on his glasses. All 
lights go out. He picks up the picture and sits looking at it as the 
curtatn, sloicly descends). 

(As the curtain descends only the light from the lamp is seen 
playing on Thad's. features). 

—FINIS.— 

(Act ivill play ahout ticenty-tico minutes, icith specialty). 
(Music and music cues are left to the judgment of producer). 



One copy del. to Cat. Div. 

m^ 21 1910 




UE€ 21 mi 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



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